The Toss

It’s quaint, and rather English too,

This thing that cricket captains do,

Chucking a coin up in the air

Assuming that the outcome’s fair;

Committed to succeed or fail

By simply calling "head" or "tail".

On village greens, no worse for that,

The team a couple short will bat

So play can start without embarrassment,

No borrowed fielders, boys, or harassment.

The message is quite simple mate –

You want to chase? – Don’t turn up late!

Serious captains one and all

Observe this honoured ritual,

Spinning a coin out in the middle

To see who’s going to get first diddle;

And many a Tests’ been won or lost

By the skippers call when the penny’s tossed.

Bradman, Hammond, Mike Denness,

Benaud, Jardine and the rest,

All have stood and watched and waited

While that little coin gyrated,

Wishing that they somehow knew

What the blooming thing would do.

"What do they use?" we ask ourselves,

Special coins kept on the shelves

And dusted off as requires,

Duly presented to the umpires?

In fifty years what then? – who knows?

They’ll flip a credit card I s’pose!

Although it isn’t very clever

We can’t help wondering if ever

England’s heroes have resorted

To tossing coins when feeling thwarted.

Wellington at Waterloo

Probably tossed a crown or two.

And Nelson – should he go on deck

Or stay below and save his neck?

Up top his crew would cheer and salute him

But then some Frenchie might just shoot him.

Was a golden guinea tossed?

If so, I rather think he lost.

Those on the Parliamentary scene,

Even Her Majesty the Queen

Have they, when facing grave decisions,

Requiring statesmanship and vision

Risked our national well-being

And solved it quickly with a shilling?

We’ve won the toss! We’ll have first crack

So put that brand new cherry back

And swap it for the old one meant

For use in such a rare event.

Never mind they’re two men light –

Well done skip – you got it right!

By Arthur Salway